


Drinks On Me

by soukokuforlife14



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Forgiveness, Gen, How do you tag for this massive fandom I have no idea, I have yet to see the movie but I've stumbled upon enough spoilers to know what happens, Post infinity war I think...?, Stucky if ya squint reeeaaaalll hard, Terrified, first MCU fic, oh man poor spidey..., only Tony drinks, somewhat angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 14:38:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soukokuforlife14/pseuds/soukokuforlife14
Summary: Tony invites Bucky to have a drink. Looking to see the face of the man Steve left him for. Looking to see what is behind the insanity of his broken mind. Looking to see if he can forgive.* *They hated themselves. For what they'd done whether personally or not. Whether intentionally or not. Whether willingly or not. These things didn't matter in the long run. Changed nothing of the lives they effected with their actions.





	Drinks On Me

**Author's Note:**

> Alright soooo I wrote this...I don't how I wrote this or where it came from or if either of these two are IC or way way OOC but I did try and I really really hope you guys enjoy it. This is my first attempt at writing anything for this fandom and I hope it's taken well. I'm tired and I wrote this instead of sleeping because I'm smart.

When Tony seats himself on the stool before the bar he's expecting the presence of another man to join him soon after. And when he does Tony orders two drinks of scotch. The metal of the other man’s left appendage hidden beneath layers upon layers of cloth, the curve of his wrist the only thing visibly peeking out from beneath them. The metal gleaming dully in the dim lighting of the bar. Music played softly, white noise, the sound of which mingled pleasantly with the clinks of glass and the splash of liquid descending over ice.

The man beside him was tense, clear in the way his back bowed in a slouch, his shoulders raised almost defensively. In comparison Tony was completely relaxed, his shoulders laid back, his own posture straight, comfortably so. With a loud nearly amused breath Tony broke the silence and said, “I’m not going to attack you.”

To this Bucky shot him a questioning glance not bothering to touch the drink that had he'd been given. Tony however had raised his own glass to his lips, sipping at the scotch before answering the silent question in those wary eyes, “I didn't invite you here to try and kill you. Rather I've learned to not feel a desire to.”

“Then why am I here?” Bucky asked gruffly still not even glancing at the drink he'd been offered which Tony found to be a shame. This particular scotch was a very good one. A waste really if he so chooses not to at least try it. Turning his attention away from the discarded glass Tony answered, “Because I needed to talk to you. And stop seeing you as the assassin who killed my parents.”

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly at the blunt way in which Tony spoke, he supposed he could understand. Though the bar was empty save for the bartender who stood far enough away that he wouldn't have heard what Tony said. But clearly the risk of listening ears was of little concern to the man. Rather what he’d said seems to have brought about guilt in those eyes of his. Eyes that Tony previously has only ever seen as cold and sharp. Unforgiving and cruel. But this. This expression. That cracked broken expression. These eyes. These eyes were not the eyes of the man who’d killed Tony’s parents. There were the eyes of a man who felt guilt. Of a man who was broken, and used, and just like Tony himself. While their circumstances varied greatly the outcome was the same.

They hated themselves. For what they'd done whether personally or not. Whether intentionally or not. Whether willingly or not. These things didn't matter in the long run. Changed nothing of the lives they effected with their actions. Wanda was a perfect example of the things Tony had inadvertently caused. Sure, maybe what happened to her would've happened anyway. But maybe if he hadn't created those weapons perhaps her circumstances could've been different. Could've been changed.

Throwing back half the glass Tony waited for Bucky to say something. But he said nothing, just continued to wear that ‘deer caught in headlights’ expression. He supposed that was to be expected last time they'd interacted Tony had tried to kill him. Of course same goes for the other man. The only reason they hadn't was because Steve eventually broke the arc reactor. Cutting power in the suit which incidentally made for one hell of a cold night trying to break free of that death case which steadily grew colder with the dropping temperatures.

He was picked up later by Natasha and a team of agents that were faceless blurs to him, she said nothing. She just seemed tired and truth be told he'd been tired too. Besides nothing needed to be said. The Avengers were broken at that point. What is created must also be destroyed. Though he will never understand why it had to end so abruptly. But the past will forever be just that. The past. Nothing he can reach back into and change by moving around the pieces. Which is why he was here now. If this man was going to forever be someone who existed near him why would he not make some effort? Not for the man in the stool next to him however. But for himself.

“I'm not here to say I don't hate you. I think I always will. But.” Tony said picking his glass up and taking another drink from it, swallowing, then continuing, “I've learned that doesn't mean I can't forgive you.” With that Bucky finally turned to him, his face not obscured by the fall of his long hair. The expression he'd worn gone of his face replaced by a pinched look that Tony could only say seemed like confusion. Bewilderment.

“There’s a lot of shit I've done that I can never fix and that many hate me for. I hate me for,” He paused, drank another sip, liquid courage, continued, “But if I don't forgive myself and learn from it I'll never move forward. So I've applied that logic to this too. I won't ever not hate you for what you did to them. But I can forgive you for what you did not of your own volition. I'm not even going to say it's not selfish either. I forgive you because if I don't I'll probably go insane with hatred and I’m not ok with that.” Tony finished, finishing his drink and settling the glass back on the wooden surface, polished to a shine that could act as a mirror. Enabling him to see his own face along the dark stain.

“I'm sorry.”  
  
It was Tony’s turn to be surprised. Confusion wrought in the line of his pinched brow, but the man continued, clenching his fist slightly before Tony could voice his own questions, “About what I did. I didn't...I didn't hurt them because I wanted to...I-”

“I’m aware. Which is why I think I'm capable of forgiving you at all." Tony cut in knowing where this would lead and not wanting any further details, "The fault does not lie solely with you and someone I know has pointed that out to me. Without throwing punches at me while doing it.” Tony said trying to sound sarcastic but his words fell flat on the cold hardwooded flooring.

“You know he's not that bad. His flaws are his charm.” Bucky said and Tony nearly scoffed at the use of such a word. _Flaws_ is a word used to describe someone who is not perfect. Of course Steve has flaws but they never deterred Tony. No the problem was how far Steve was willing to abandon his own ideals and self righteousness that frustrated Tony. How willing he was to put civilians in danger for the sake of one person. But that was the past and Tony could never fix what has been broken.

Tony huffed a breath through his nose both apathetic and almost morbidly amused at once, "I once loved him for all his flaws. But I've finally found someone who loves me for mine. Even when I can't.” _Even when Steve couldn’t_ is a silent addition to his statement unnecessary to be said for it is heard anyway. With that Tony stood. No further obligation to stay he bid the former Winter Soldier goodnight. Leaving a sizable wad of dollar bills on the counter for the bartender who’d stayed open later than usual to accommodate Tony’s request of privacy.

And when he got home that night falling into bed finding refuge in a pair of arms and the mosaic of those shaky hands he could feel a tangible weight lift away from him. Sure bricks still sat atop his shoulders, the pile miles high. His mistakes, his mental illness, his self hatred, all piled atop him. But at least this. This weight was gone of his body and at least he felt even just a little bit lighter.

He went to sleep that night beside Stephen wondering if he’d sleep better just knowing that tomorrow he'd wake feeling a little less heavy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are greatly appreciated as is constructive criticism as I have very little confidence in how I wrote this and appreciate some feedback. I like to think this was a fun jump outside my comfort zone and I hope it payed off. Thanks for reading!!


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